Sucks for them, sucks for me.

Even though the last few weeks have been crazy, there has been a certain amount of blissful ignorance on my part.  When I've heard other's stories of worry/trouble, I've had a tendency to think "that really sucks for you."  Um, what about me?  Is there a reason that I hadn't yet made the connection that yes, it sucks for those people.  But, I'm not special or different.  It's going to suck for me too.

Levi has had a cold for a few days.  After he woke up from his nap, he wouldn't stop crying.  He was lethargic on the couch and inconsolable.  Of course this is right at dinner time and right when my two older kids want attention.  Nothing is ever easy.

I decided to break out the new meter and check for ketones.  I've heard some horror stories about these darn ketones!  Sure enough, his levels were at .7.  Anything .6 and over requires a call to Stanford.  I had the pediatric endocrinologist paged and told my husband to cancel his plans for the evening.  There's nothing worse for me than not knowing what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do. 

We were told that we would need to check his blood glucose levels and his ketones every 2 hours throughout the night.  Considering Levi wakes up and cries each time, this is going to be painful.  It's so hard to get him back to sleep and then I just lay there, worrying.  I find myself checking to make sure he's breathing through the night.  I remember doing that when my kiddos were first born.  I never thought I'd be doing it again.

At the next check, his blood sugar levels had spiked but the ketones were down to .2 which I thought was great.  We gave him an insulin shot to help his body get some energy and we put him to bed.  Only 25 more minutes and we check him again.

My new reality is stressful.  I feel a physical load upon my shoulders.  Diabetes is the first thing I think of when I wake up and when I go to bed.  I am constantly thinking what I'm going to make for meals, how many carbs it is, how much insulin in the shots, etc.  I am grateful for the parents who have walked this path before me.  I have so much to learn.