Last night, a mother's worse nightmare came true for someone in my church family. Her beautiful 21 year old daughter was killed in a drunk driving accident. The family is currently in Arizona to bring her home. At our church tonight, our priest cried. I don't think anything can compare to losing a child.
I fear losing Levi one day. While he is young, I can do my best to protect him. I can do nightly checks, I can monitor everything he eats and make sure he is active enough. I am with him every moment and I control everything. But what happens when he is older? What happens when he can make his own decisions? Will I have done everything I can to have taught him to value his life? That he is different than others in that he must be more diligent? That a night of drinking can kill him - not by another driver or by a car but by his own body? That even if he is diligent, that the side effects of diabetes might catch up to him? Will I be there to protect him then?
I often look at my kids and think how much I love them. But I don't have fear with the other two. When I think of their futures it is with great excitement and joy. A tinge of fear is always there with Levi. I think this is probably true of most moms. The lesson for now is how to manage the fear.
